I think I'm going to adopt "a momentary lapse of reason" as my new catch phrase and explanation of all possible unsavory decisions. Lately, during the repercussion of such decisions self-loathing and self doubt starts to creep in. I've started thinking of all the stupid things I've done or are still doing and wonder how have I gotten to this place? Why can't I stop myself? Most importantly, why do I continue to make such poor decisions and why can't I focus?
Is it turning 40? Is it being 40 with a 4 year old? Is it the beginning of life knowing that I don't know as much as I thought I did. I used to fancy myself as a fairly clever person but now maybe I'm clever enough just to realize that I've been wrong all along. Maybe this is the beginning of enlightenment. Albeit enlightenment too late, I've already made the bad decision or poor choice but enlightenment none the less.
Just where this post has gone is beyond me. I'm having a strange day. Here is a beautiful picture of the wheat field just down the road. I cannot tell you how relaxing this spot is. A warm setting sun on my face a gentle breeze in my hair and the red winged black birds singing their beautiful song in my ear... and then it ends. My son screaming from the car.
An update on the kitten situation... Mama cat has moved the kittens and I cannot find them anywhere. I also have not seen Mama for a couple days so I can only imagine the kittens are turning into ferocious felines without my constant handling like I had planned on doing. Also, Banshee (my husky) is doing well and the medicine seems to be making her more comfortable. She is getting some evening bouncing back and she is loving the new 4 treats a day crackers with Glucosamine in them.