An awakening of something deep

This past Sunday afternoon I had the TV on while I was puttering in the kitchen. I had the OWN channel on (Oprah Winfrey Network), and I have to admit I usually don't have her channel on much, I really don't watch TV much period it's just on making noise in the background. 

I guess we do register what we hear in the background because I pretty much stopped all I was doing to watch this program even though I had just caught about the last 20 minutes of it. It was Super Soul Sunday which I hadn't heard of before and Oprah was talking with this man that I had never heard of named Dr. Wayne Dyer. What an enlightenment. I was entranced and I wanted to hear more.

What this man was talking about, how he spoke, his demeanor and all of what he was saying struck such a chord with me. I was enthralled. Before I knew it the show was over and as I was going over what I had heard in my mind, the next program came on. It was a movie with Dr. Dyer in it as himself called The Shift. Wow. I watched with full attention. I even would pause the show and take notes. Tears streamed down my cheeks through much of the show, I'm not sure why. Maybe because I identified so much with the mother in this story. I know I was deeply touched by what he was sharing. I am emotional now just remembering it and writing this.

I find myself wanting to learn more and read or hear more of what he is teaching. If you are like me and had never heard of Dr. Dyer see his website here. He is a renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development. His newest book is Wishes Fulfilled, Mastering the Art of Manifesting. He has many many more.

I live with a lot of negativity around me, as many do, but I think often of choosing to be happy and after seeing these programs I know I'm on to something. What he has to say, if you listen, may just change your life. I think that it is changing my life and I plan to run with it.

Goodbye 2010 and new Treasury

Today marks another year gone by. Can you believe it? I've been thinking of things that I want to do or change for my life and self in 2011 much like New Year's Resolutions but not so rigid. Of course lose weight is in there... ugh. But more importantly I'm still trying to figure out just who I am. Still at 40, ha ha... Who am I? Who am I as a mother? Who am I as a woman, wife, daughter? Who am I as a friend? Who am I as an artist?

I intend to explore the last one in great detail this new year. I feel I am at a crossroads with my artwork. I am not satisfied with much of what I've created and feel I haven't really been creating from my heart. What I really want to create. It is easy to get caught up in trying to guess what will be well received and therefore purchased and all the while lose what it was I was trying to convey with my art and get out what I was truly feeling when I started to create it.

Maybe fear has been interfering with the process as well. Fear of letting someone down with what might come out on paper or canvas. My fear that I'm not good enough, which I'm sure plagues lots of us. Fear of just getting it started and a big one for me, fear of it not turning out as I envision it and letting myself down.

A creative opportunity has presented itself to me as of late and I'm waiting to find out more but I have high hopes and it has renewed my creative spirit which is great even if this opportunity doesn't pan out.

I really enjoy keeping up my blog with tidbits from my life and art and I love it that you peek in and occasionally comment. I so enjoy reading about my online friends too and find great inspiration from all of you. May this new year be the greatest year of our lives so far!

Oh and quickly, one of my greeting cards with my photography has been included in a pretty Collection on Artfire. I also have this card in my GeeJayCreations Etsy shop.

An Artfire Collection

Be safe my friends. Let us not forget the past, but look brightly towards the future. Happy New Year!

"This Artists Observations of the Day"

Feeling of the day: Happy and looking forward to a new year!

I'm lovin': getting some snacks ready for a party tonight with good friends

My view: my son watching cartoons

I thought about today: my mom and how her life shaped mine

I miss: sharing talks with my mom

Best thing I did today: sleep until I woke up!

Today I visited: Leah over at Creative Every Day

Why do you blog or read blogs?

Today I read an interesting little article called What is your favorite thing about blogging? by Crissy Herron on Indiebizchicks.com. It got me to thinking about how much of an outlet my blog has become for me and how important it is to me. There are so many reasons people blog, but I blog to vent, seek comfort and friendship, to feel connected to others and find and share inspiration and honestly to look for approval, though I don't like to admit that. I have met so many caring people and "soul sisters" that I can't imagine just dropping it or giving it up. I know that I really don't have that much important stuff to contribute, but I feel like part of a community here and I've always liked to throw in my two cents anyway. I kinda feel like my own CEO of my life here. I control what I post, what I link to and when to do it. When do you really have that much control in life? Not very often, for me.

I've often wondered are there many people out there that just read blogs and not have their own? I have so many blogs that I read or at least try to keep up with that I could easily fill my time just reading and not do any writing myself. But I feel like I have too much to say and to show. I guess I'm kinda the spoiled child that demands "look at me, look at  me!"... ha ha

I love to read about other people's lives and what they do and what goes on and their kids and animals and homes. People really open up about themselves in their blogs whether they realize it or not. I especially like to read the blogs of creative people and secretly hope some of their ambition and energy will rub off. One of my most favorite things to read about of these creative people is their workspace. Like that expensive and totally addictive magazine "Where women create", I get to peek into their creative lives and see how I stack up. I also like to read snippets of facts about them. I used to post at the bottom of my posts "This artist's observations of the day" but kinda got out of it. I think I'll start that back up, because that is stuff I like to read. I also have recently been trying to go back and correctly label my posts. If you have recently just started to blog, this is important. It really is time consuming to go back and label and re-label but I think it is making my blog easier to navigate even if just for myself. I didn't quite understand the labels before, but now it has clicked.

My grandma, who is 94, used to write in her diary all the time. She has books and books of them and tells me she goes through occasionally to remember. I like that, and a blog or at least my blog is kinda like a modern day diary that me and 12 million other souls can read if they so please. Of course I don't put everything out there that I think or do, most of that would be dull, boring and possibly admissible in court. But I like to share things in my life and the voices in my head... ha ha. It definitely has helped me deal with my mother's death.

My husband truly does not understand this at all. I was taking pictures the other day of food to use for a post and he asked me what on earth was I doing? I used to sheepishly answer "nothing", but now I just smile to myself and proudly tell him I'm sharing with my friends. He just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. I guess he'll never understand. Well, he doesn't have to. I have all of you. :)

Why do you blog or read blogs?

Thinking sometimes hurts.

I'm sure you've all had moments... aha moments as Oprah call them. Last night I had a rather aha moment at about 2 in the morning. I had managed to sit and watch the last two episodes of the season finally for Work of Art. I've watched, intrigued the entire season and haven't understood a lot of the reasoning behind the judges comments and verdict. Then it came to me as I sat teary eyed and watched as Perigrin was so obviously moved by her own piece and then moved again as others "got it". Also as Abdi (my favorite from the start) presented an emotionally intense piece that I fully related to (a baptism). One or two of the judges in the end show finally started to make sense. They explained it a little more to my understanding at least by the end of the season. I usually have no problem admitting I'm wrong or no good at something, but this is a little embarrassing. I guess because I all these years, going way back to crayons on the walls... I've always felt in my heart I was to create stuff and try to be good at it. Even as now, I am 40 years of age and probably done with half of my life... and I've up until last night thought I was to try to do my best at creating something... technically. I've apparently missed the bus all these years because I think I now get it. It's not how good an artist you are... like how well I can draw say an apple and make the viewer see a great drawing of an apple. It's how I can reach down in my soul and pull out something that can make the viewer feel something. Something that I felt as I created it. Wow.

I've always felt like I was the artist outside looking in at the better artists. Maybe that is why I have such a blank canvass syndrome. You know, when I have a blank page in front of me and I can't for the life of me think of a single thing to draw. That I can't draw it that well so I don't even attempt it. I need to draw from within. I've just learned that and I hope that I can learn to do that.

How do you "draw" from within?