Two years. Wow, two years have gone by since my mother died of cancer. Two years ago I thought how can I possibly go on without my dear mother? My mother who was my best friend, and the person who knew me better than anyone. My mother, who loved me more than anyone ever would in my life. My mother, whom I was joined at the heart with. A lot goes on in two years that she has missed, that we have missed with her. Life just keeps on going even though she isn't living right along with us. How can life possibly still go on? Yet it does.
Somehow though, I choose to be happy. I could so easily have sunk into my misery and still be there. Not that I don't dip down into that deep dark abyss that is grief. I do it often. I just don't stay there. I choose to be happy. Not happy that she's gone of course, but happy to be alive and enjoy the things that she enjoyed. I got my optimism from her. I smile to myself when I see, hear, smell and taste things that remind me of her and in an instant I'm taken back to a time with her. There is not a day I don't run through my mind my memories of her, usually many times a day. In fact, most of my days consist of thinking to myself what I think my mother would be saying in whatever situation I am in.
I choose to be happy because my faith takes me there. I do think some people are happier people by nature, kinda the glass is half full thing. But I also believe you can fight your urge to be negative and put yourself in a happier frame of mind and be around happy people and surround yourself with things that you know make you happy. Even if that happiness requires a pill... take it. Accept it. Pride or stubbornness only stands in your way most of the time. It's so much easier to be happy... I'm not saying you have to be a happy idiot, but just try it. Just smile, it starts you off in the right direction... Laugh and your practically there.
As I am writing this, the wind is blowing and my wind chimes are happily singing. Along with many I have bought, I have a set of chimes that were my mothers and I cherish them. I like to think that is my mom speaking to me from heaven through the chiming sounds.
So today while I've already shed many tears, I choose to be happy. Can you?
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Hugs and blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteNicole/Beadwright
I recently lost my father, we were very close and I'm heartbroken, but my faith and keeping a happy attitude absolutely make a difference.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to make this about me, I just want to say that I understand and am sending thoughts and prayers your way today.
Hugs,
Lynn
such a great post about your thoughts and your MOm, I agree, it's not always easy to be happy but It's what we do!
ReplyDeleteJaime, what a wonderful piece about your Mom. I am so sorry, I know how hard it is and the grief can come in waves when you least expect it but you are right and I think that is what makes us human that we have the choice to be happy, with or without pills.
ReplyDelete(sorry, I haven't been around, I haven't been near blogger all summer, life just got the better of me)
Hope you have a lovely weekend with lots of lovely memories and your Mom chatting to you thru the wind chimes, I LOVE it, regards, T. :)
I couldn't have said it better! You expressed so many of my thoughts and feelings as we come upon the December 28 passing of my mother just a short three years ago. Christmas was always a difficult time for me and spending it in the hospice a couple of years ago didn't improve my opinion of the holiday! So often I can almost hear, as you said, that "mother's voice" and it is somehow comforting that her wisdom and love is still with you. Thinking of you...Janette
ReplyDeleteThis was such a beautiful post, thank you for sharing these words with us. You are so right that a lot of times we have to CHOOSE to be happy....and it's not always easy, but so very worth it when we can.
ReplyDeleteYou keep your mother alive and beautiful every day with these thoughts and memories...I love the wind chime image.
xo
Steph
We have to shed our tears, feel the sadness and mourn the loss of the hearts that have meant so much to us. And then, we can choose happy. Their love and our love for them help us find our way back to that !
ReplyDeleteSo glad you have happy, loving memories of your beautiful Mom to encircle you each day.
Light and love to you, Jaime !
There is nothing harder than loosing a loved one. But you are right, life goes on, and our loved one would want us to live it and be happy.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful tribute to your mom, Jaime. Your memories will always keep her alive - for you and your son. Big hugs to you!
ReplyDelete