Thursday, October 20, 2011
Two years today
Two years. Wow, two years have gone by since my mother died of cancer. Two years ago I thought how can I possibly go on without my dear mother? My mother who was my best friend, and the person who knew me better than anyone. My mother, who loved me more than anyone ever would in my life. My mother, whom I was joined at the heart with. A lot goes on in two years that she has missed, that we have missed with her. Life just keeps on going even though she isn't living right along with us. How can life possibly still go on? Yet it does.
Somehow though, I choose to be happy. I could so easily have sunk into my misery and still be there. Not that I don't dip down into that deep dark abyss that is grief. I do it often. I just don't stay there. I choose to be happy. Not happy that she's gone of course, but happy to be alive and enjoy the things that she enjoyed. I got my optimism from her. I smile to myself when I see, hear, smell and taste things that remind me of her and in an instant I'm taken back to a time with her. There is not a day I don't run through my mind my memories of her, usually many times a day. In fact, most of my days consist of thinking to myself what I think my mother would be saying in whatever situation I am in.
I choose to be happy because my faith takes me there. I do think some people are happier people by nature, kinda the glass is half full thing. But I also believe you can fight your urge to be negative and put yourself in a happier frame of mind and be around happy people and surround yourself with things that you know make you happy. Even if that happiness requires a pill... take it. Accept it. Pride or stubbornness only stands in your way most of the time. It's so much easier to be happy... I'm not saying you have to be a happy idiot, but just try it. Just smile, it starts you off in the right direction... Laugh and your practically there.
As I am writing this, the wind is blowing and my wind chimes are happily singing. Along with many I have bought, I have a set of chimes that were my mothers and I cherish them. I like to think that is my mom speaking to me from heaven through the chiming sounds.
So today while I've already shed many tears, I choose to be happy. Can you?