She is gone

My dear sweet mother left this world to be with Jesus today. At 10:50 am central time, my life ceased to exist as I knew it. She drew her last breath while I held her in my arms and caressed and kissed her sweet face. Words cannot describe the grief and deep pain and loneliness I feel at this time.

Lula Brannon

64 years old

The only solace I have is that I will see her again in heaven. I will meet her in the sky.

FYI - cancer is the devil

Just so everyone knows the reason why I am not keeping up with my blog at this time is my mom is in the last stages of melanoma cancer. I along with my dad are taking care of her in the family home. This last week has been very trying. I am an only child and to say that Mom and me are close is an extreme understatement. I am struggling with not only the loss of my mom, but my best friend, my confidant, my biggest fan, my motivator, my teacher... the list goes on and on.

This aggressive cancer is stealing a piece of my heart a little each day. Tonight I thought I lost her. While in my arms, she had a seizure which wasn't like the others she had in July while in the hospital when she was first diagnosed. She went straight as a board, her eyes rolled back and looked vacantly upwards and she was not responsive to my words crying for "Mom" while I stroked her face and hair. She even stopped breathing for a few moments. I yelled for my dad and he came running upstairs and we were able to get her back in bed and she promptly fell asleep, exhausted from the episode. She later was able to open her eyes and moan a little when

You see, she has tumors all over her body now but most noticeably in her brain. It has robbed her of herself. Taken her from us. She is there... but not there. Coming in and out occasionally. Restless to the point of exhaustion, called "terminal restlessness". Which if you have never witnessed, I hope you never do. Thankfully she is not in pain. But the restlessness is a different kind of pain. A never ending relentless agony that is sometimes relieved for a short time by drugs like Ativan. But tonight, after the seizure, not even the Ativan is helping. We need something else, besides a miracle. That something else turns out to be Morphine. Delivered to the house in approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes and counting. I hope it will give her rest.

So now, here I wait, writing this, for my phone to ring with news... bad or good.

My phone just rang.. my dad freaking out a bit and telling me the nurse is on the way. She is laying on her belly and trying to go face first in the pillow and is now coughing up a bit of blood. This may be the peace that she is looking for and my gut clenches up with pain thinking of. I'm on my way.

Tuesday the 13th

Today was a hard day and I have to wonder how much exactly can I handle? Usually 13 is my lucky number and I guess in a way today I was lucky because I made it through and it's almost the 14th.

Short and sweet

I don't have much to say today except it's a Snicker's kinda night. Chocolatey nugat yumminess here I come.

That's me on the left with my friend Jody. Check out my high school days look in my gold sunglasses. That was about 1987ish and yep, I had shoes and a purse to match. back when gold sunglasses and shoes were normally worn by old women. I've usually marched to my own tune, albeit sometimes a little off-tune. ;)

Crisp Autumn Day

I went to a craft show today and saw a lot of Halloween crafts being bought. But I also saw a lot of stuff that looked like it was just "assembled" and called a craft. By the size of the show, which was way down from what I remember it being, I'm guessing they are allowing just about anybody in that has their $35 or whatever it costs for a booth there. I'm not sure that some of the stuff I saw would be considered "hand crafted", it looked like it belonged more in a flea market. But I did see a lot of great hand made items. There are so many creative people in this world it just surprises me that we buy junk mass marketed to us and made in China. I wish more people would support these crafters, artists and dreamers (including me!). We offer a much more personal product than anything made in China.

Enjoy the pictures of my little "girl" Banshee Wayne, a Siberian Husky. A real sweetie. She is 10 and a half years old and is the happiest dog in the world since we moved out in the country 5 years ago and she has free reign to run anywhere she pleases. That's why she looks a little less than show quality :) she makes use of the fields and woods. haha